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1928-02-29: ​tour stops---images---audio---~TRANSCRIPT~---notes---links---site navigation
Dondi. February 29, 1918

My darling Byl:

For reasons that will appear later I have made a substitution for the first page of the letter as already written.  You ask for certain assurances and I will take up those things at once.

As I had already written in my previous letter my consecration and devotion are primarily to Jesus Christ, the real historical Christ and not to the caricature that is often handed to us in his name.  I have often come far short of my ideal and have neglected opportunities and have failed to or show the spirit that really moves me.  I am not inclined to contend with folks over differences in opinion when it is abstract.  If it is some concrete program that requires cooperation or my approval I am a passive resister.  When my own convenience or pleasure alone is at stake I have always endured in silence.  Folks have said most bitterly cutting things to my face and I have not even opened my mouth.  You have said some very hard things to me and I have made no reply.  The things that cut deepest are the things said by those we love best.

“We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest.
But deal full many a heavy blow
To those we love the best.
The man we thoroughly despise
May rouse our wrath ‘tis true,
Annoyance in the heart may rise
At things mere strangers do.
But these are only passing ills,
The test of life will prove
The rankling wound that aches and thrills
Is dealt by those we love.”

I know that you have suffered terribly from my clumsiness and thoughlessness and God knows I would rather suffer anything than cause you needless pain.

The quality I love most in you is the absolute devotion and trust you have in God.  Without that you could not bear what I feel may come to you from your union with me.  I faced the question years ago and saw that some day it would be asked of me to suffer the loss of all things for His sake.  I have already talked enough with you about my conviction that Jesus was sincere and meant just what he said about the Price of Discipleship and that the conventional, respectable Christianity was but a revived Judaism.  E. Stanley Jones seems to me to have caught a clearer view of Jesus Christ than anyone else in the public notice.  I have a very similar vision but with a Scientific rather than a clerical background.  If I am called to take up such a ministry it would be to the scientific world rather than the Hindu and Buddhist seekers of religious consolation.  That may come soon.  I have been quiet for a long time.  I have already written of this in the pages that follow.

I will send you a PS of my letter to Dr. Cushman to explain one or two things you mention.  It will explain more than just that Thursday morning.

I have need for forgiveness for many things that I have done but the things that cause me to repent are so often the things that you overlook or do not consider so serious for they are conventional.  You have not yet been called upon to face some of the trials that befall to His followers.  You are now meeting some that you never expected and I must deeply sympathize with you in them but cannot give you the help that He alone can give.

You referred again to Kakombo and my mistreating him here.  That is rather puzzling to me for there seems to have been some strange doings that I know nothing about.  He appeared at the kitchen door of Miss Rawlings cottage just as we were finishing dinner.  I went over the dispensary and sent my helper also named Kakombo to get him.  He carried him.  I dressed the wound and went to the Trustee Meeting.  The boy returned to Miss R’s kitchen and was fed by her boys.  The Meetings occupied most of the days - morning, afternoon and evening and I was present at all sessions.  After the first night the boy went to his relatives home and did not get to the dispensary while I was there, that was Thursday.  On Friday I asked my boys about him and they said he had not come again so I sent for him.  On Saturday morning he came just as I was leaving the dispensary with the chloroform and forceps to extract Bobby’s tooth.  I told the boys to dress the sore there and to be sure to do it again Sunday morning in time for the train.  That morning I did not get my own breakfast, but had a cup of coffee at Dart’s while Esther was coming out of chloroform.  If the boy was abused at all it must have been by his relatives.  My boys are all in the Institute and are not nurses nor do they have any place of their own where they would be allowed to entertain such cases as their guests.

In the case of the burnt hands I am not sure that such early amputation would be wise, the natural line of demarcation would preserve the greatest amount of tissue and leave a longer and perhaps more useful stump, in the absence of such artificial limbs as can be gotten at home.  The bones will come away as in the other case.  Kanjongo knows how to remove them.  If at a later date it is desirable to do a kinetoplastid amputation it can be done.  To amputate now would be to lose the muscular attachments.

Sunday night: my darling Byl:- I am just back from kesinga where the English meeting was held.  I started with that book you handed me to read last Sunday but with the text of Huxley - Micah 6:8 and the John 3:1-15 and talked of the new birth as an obstetrical problem.  It was probably too strange an idea to get across to most of them.  Dart got the idea anyway so that was enough.  One cannot give anything so radical and expect it to be understood at all.

Mary is staying with Miss Crosby tonight for Mrs. Tucker is at Pires [???] place.  She will visit them until Mr. T. returns from the coast.  I have something to do to the auto in the morning before she goes to B. Vista for the Pg. teachers.  The piece for the motorcycle also arrived today so I will want to put that in too.  That will be the big job.  So good night, lots of love from your Fred.

Monday night: My darling Byl- I was so sorry to hear that you have been sick and still more so to hear of the deeper distress on my account.  You have much to learn about me yet.  Last night kesinga I said that my personal experience was in some ways similar to that of Paul on the road to Damascus, we were what might be called children of the kingdom delivered by Caesarean section, not according to the will of the church but in spite of its obstructions or pelvice contraction.  I have always held my allegiance directly to Him and not thru the church to him.

I soon found that my testimony was not acceptable in the church of which I was a member.  There are still those in my old home who would swear by me to the end and there are others, mostly very respectable people who consider me as a very dangerous influence.  I was denounced from the pulpit by my own pastor.  None of the things moved me for it was a part of my consecration.  I definitely faced that in accepting my commission from Him.  I learned in street meetings and the impromptu invitation to lead in prayer at a meeting in the county poor house that I could present Jesus Christ in such a way that others were drawn to Him.  All opportunities to even speak in young peoples meetings were cut off.  I was not quarrelsome nor did I realize why these things were so.  My years of now [???] participation in the formal religious services have not been ones of indifference.  I have given more serious attention to the religious questions of the day than any man in the mission that I know of.  Mere repetition of platitudes and trite sayings does not greatly interest me.  They have their use and many are edified by them, but they sometimes bore me so that I can’t pretend to be interested.

I have a message for the world - it has been on my heart for 26 years and the time to deliver it may be near.  It has been getting clearer as the time goes on and may take the form of a book but I rather think it will be oral.  When the time for it comes I will have no doubt of it.  In that day it may lead us first into suffering and reproach but the end will be glorious.

If you had come into my life while I was generally approved of and well spoken of, I would be less confident that you are the woman for me.  You will suffer with me many things that one less loyal to Christ would escape.  I will not try to explain all in this letter but since we have already referred to Micah 6-8 I will repeat to you a little more of my last Sunday sermon.  Please read that chapter (Huxley) in the book with the texts, God is Love, +c.  It starts out with the statement “She was a sermon taster.”  I gave her estimate, “If there is one in the Book worse than another, that man would be sure to choose it.”  I put quotation marks tho it may not be literal for I made no notes.  After reading that chapter [???illegible word???], I came to Dondi Mosley [???], I then read the rest of the book of Micah over again.  I was surprised to find in that small book the most concise and complete “Gospel.”  The verse 6:8 contains the Golden Rule and the two Great Commandments of our Lord.  Jesus quoted literally concerning the division he would make in families.  Once before I wrote to you or said the E. Stanley Jones was the type man I could understand and trust.  He is loyal to Christ first and last and does not dishonor Him by holding our western civilization as Christian.  I belong to the same “school” as Jones.  Many good respectable Christians consider Jones as a dangerous man and a traitor to the Church. (I had a letter from Dr. F. C. Stephenson in an envelope advertising the book.)  Your father mentioned him (Jones) in the joint letter.  By the way, you might at this time find something striking in the beginning of that book The Christ of the Indian Road.  Jones’ experience leading up to his undertaking that special type of evangelism.  That was all very vivid to me.  I felt drawn to him as to a kindred spirit.  I can’t see anything in his ministry which misrepresents Jesus or in any way shows a life not fulfilling the requirements of Mic 6:8.  To the pre millenialist he is anathema.  However I am an exception for I might claim to be one myself, though they [caret: the —s] would not accept me.  This prolonged discussion and the circumstances leading up to it may mean that the time for the ministry is near.  I will be coming to see you before long and we should be able to have a heart to heart talk about these things.

This evening I wrote a four page letter to Dr. Cushman, with a P.S.  The letter was two pages long and was a complete apology to her for humiliating you that Thursday evening at the Hospital.  I am sure she will forgive me.  If you will I will be much relieved.  I had rather thought you did that night and am sorry it still hurts.

Wednesday night: My darling Byl, This evening I had a letter from Childs saying that Elaine Margaret was sick with boils and asking me to come over to see her.  I will go over tomorrow afternoon with Mary + Darts if Hastings does not appear before noon.  He is still keeping to his bed with cold compresses on the abdomen.

​I will probably be back Friday afternoon to receive your letter so don’t disappoint me.  I will go over your letter again and make notes lest something be overlooked in your list of my sins and the questions asked me about them.  I have just listed 18 things in your letter to be answered by this mail!  Some were already answered before the letter came but others are still to be answered.


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1928-02-29​: ​​​tour stops---images---audio---transcript---~NOTES~---links---site navigation
1.
Fred says:
E. Stanley Jones seems to me to have caught a clearer view of Jesus Christ than anyone else in the public notice.

About E. Stanley Jones:

Eli Stanley Jones (1884–1973) was an American Methodist Christian missionary, theologian, and author. He is remembered for his interreligious lectures to the educated classes in India. His seminal work, The Christ of the Indian Road (ISBN 0-687-06377-9), sold more than a million copies worldwide after its publication in 1925. As of 2018, three million copies of his books have been sold. He is the founder of the Christian ashram movement. In 1938, Time called Jones "the world's greatest Christian missionary."

As for the Christian ashram movement - Wikipedia says:

The christian ashram movement (not to be confused with the United Christian Ashram movement) is a movement within Christianity in India that embraces Vedanta and the teachings of the East, attempting to combine the Christian faith with the Hindu ashram model and Christian monasticism with the Hindu sannyasa tradition.

2.
If at a later date it is desirable to do a kinetoplastid amputation it can be done.  To amputate now would be to lose the muscular attachments.
kinetoplastid amputation: Seems to relate to possibilities of movement after the amputation.

3.
I started with that book you handed me to read last Sunday but with the text of Huxley - Micah 6:8 and the John 3:1-15 and talked of the new birth as an obstetrical problem.

Huxley - Thomas Henry Huxley?  Wikipedia says:

Thomas Henry Huxley PC FRS HonFRSE FLS (4 May 1825 – 29 June 1895) was an English biologist and anthropologist who specialized in comparative anatomy. He has become known as "Darwin's Bulldog" for his advocacy of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.

And:

Huxley was slow to accept some of Darwin's ideas, such as gradualism, and was undecided about natural selection, but despite this he was wholehearted in his public support of Darwin. Instrumental in developing scientific education in Britain, he fought against the more extreme versions of religious tradition. Huxley coined the term "agnosticism" in 1869 and elaborated on it in 1889 to frame the nature of claims in terms of what is knowable and what is not.


​Micah 6:8 says:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

John 3:1-15 says:

3 There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. 2 aThis man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him.”

3 Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

4 Nicodemus said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?”

5 Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

9 Nicodemus answered and said to Him, “How can these things be?”

10 Jesus answered and said to him, “Are you the teacher of Israel, and do not know these things? 11 Most assuredly, I say to you, We speak what We know and testify what We have seen, and you do not receive Our witness. 12 If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things? 13 No one has ascended to heaven but He who came down from heaven, that is, the Son of Man 2who is in heaven. 14 lAnd as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

4.
it has been on my heart for 26 years
...since 1902, when Fred was 23 years old and living in Canton.  He must have agonized about a lot at the time, because Alma noticed it:​I can see a great improvement in Fred since last summer.  He is getting over that crazy fanaticism and acts like himself.  He is lots of fun now.  He takes an interest in everything now.  Eva is giving him piano lessons and he is talking of taking vocal lessons from Mr. Brown.  He is beginning to study again.  I asked Mama what made him so different and she said there was an Evangelist named Smith here who got at him and took some of his crazy notions out of him.  I am very glad of it.  It is so much more fun to come home.

5.
There's no signature at the end of the letter, but, judging from the first page, I think maybe there is no missing page.  Fred's letters were rarely more than ten pages long.
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